I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
