i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
