Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
