Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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