Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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