Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
