Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
