I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
