Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
