I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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