I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
