So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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