Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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