You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
