i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
