Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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