Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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