Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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