I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
