He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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