Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
