Little spoons don't ask big questions
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
