I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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