I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
