Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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