Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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