I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
