Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
