In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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