so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
