Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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