if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
