I will die if light touches me.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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