Having a random hookup so left but love u
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
