I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
...so i touched it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
