Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
