I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
