apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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