Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
