Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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