I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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