Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
