I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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