WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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