I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
