Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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