a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your penis caused this!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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