Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
