can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
