never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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