Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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