Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
