Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
