I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
