I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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