woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
