the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it hurts more in the daytime
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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