The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
