My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
