Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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