I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
