i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
