We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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