Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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