I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
