You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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