I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
