...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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