My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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