I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
