You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
