So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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