I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
