i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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