Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
